I went to the cancer center today for my first appointment with my radiation doctor. My oncologist is off on Thursday, so imagine my surprise called I was called back to see her. She said my scans were back and she had thought about them all night. She knew I had an appointment with the radiologist so she decided to see me instead. I immediately broke out into tears. I knew this was not going to be good news. I was right, my cancer had spread. That pain I was having in my upper back was a rib that was covered with cancer. There was also a small spot on my spine, on my hip, tiny spots on my lung and it was also in my chest nodes. Once again my reality is a slap in my face! I am now stage IV. I went from “curable” to ” treatable” in a matter of weeks. What’s with treatable?! What does that mean!? Where is all this “pink” campaign money going?? Why is stage IV only treatable?!
This is not what I had planned for this year! I wanted to have a baby, buy a house, now I just want to live!
My Javiee doesn’t like to see me cry. He says my positive attitude will get me thru this. I know he’s right and I am positive. Today, however, is my day to cry!