I went to the cancer center today for my first appointment with my radiation doctor.  My oncologist is off on Thursday, so imagine my surprise called I was called back to see her.  She said my scans were back and she had thought about them all night.  She knew I had an appointment with the radiologist so she decided to see me instead.  I immediately broke out into tears.  I knew this was not going to be good news.  I was right, my cancer had spread.  That pain I was having in my upper back was a rib that was covered with cancer.  There was also a small spot on my spine, on my hip, tiny spots on my lung and it was also in my chest nodes.  Once again my reality is a slap in my face!  I am now stage IV.  I went from “curable” to ” treatable” in a matter of weeks.   What’s with treatable?!  What does that mean!? Where is all this “pink” campaign money going?? Why is stage IV only treatable?!

This is not what I had planned for this year!  I wanted to have a baby, buy a house, now I just want to live!

My Javiee doesn’t like to see me cry.  He says my positive attitude will get me thru this.   I know he’s right and I am positive. Today, however, is my day to cry!